hahaha how is this my life how has this become my life
extant in memory by the blue Juniata,
across space I guess
will be all we know of one another.
So little of what one is threads itself through the eye of empty space.
tiny weird kinds of closeness
some things don’t change
"oh cool what’s your movie about??"
“it’s about this man. who’s like, addicted to heroin. and this girl, like, tries to save him. “
reached the /crying over facetime/ milestone of the overseas experience
my body pulling away from your body like liquid, a small slow stream on a grassy hill trickling, droplets clinging and moulding and rolling away
i woke up after only sleeping two hours and my throat was so swollen that it felt like the walls were touching, i felt like dying, i stumbled around the kitchen and scavenged lemons left over from drink garnishes and found honey and made myself a drink which i cried swallowing because it hurt so bad and i got back into bed and slept for a few more hours. after that i crawled onto the bus and got home and climbed into bed and slept for twenty hours straight, basically, i thought that jet lag hadn’t hit me but maybe it just hit me late, or maybe i was just sick, i don’t know. i woke up and i gargled with some saltwater and drank some more honey and i didn’t feel totally better but i felt better enough
my vertigo has been bad, too, and i’ve been averaging one meal a day, my body is feeling pretty grossed out by food, but i bought an enormous iced coffee and walked around clinton hill looking for a phone store. the nice thing about vertigo, at least when you don’t have to achieve anything important, is that when it’s mild it just kind of makes you feel like you’re a bit drunk all the time, plus i’d been sleeping so much that i was still feeling kind of dreamy, so i was just floating along the street in the sunshine and my long skirt was flapping around my calves and my head was swimming happily and i was looking at all of these beautiful interesting things. the phone store was closed on sundays (wtf) but i walked past this amazing community garden and they were doing potluck lunch and so i talked to the gardeners about composting for ages and they showed me their sunflowers and their strawberries and their eggplants and if i stay somewhere in this neighbourhood i’m going to go back all the time because i felt v. at home & so far i really like it here!!
there’s now a therapist at my work called ~dr malaise~ i couldn’t make up a more sitcom-ready place if i tried
IMPORTANT UPDATES: dr malaise now has a partner, his name is DR ANGSTMANN, i could not make this up if i tried
sounds about v precious memories
remember when i lived in that commune thing in curtin and there was a plant growing in the fridge and all the cupboards were mould and there was a dog that anxiety-peed on literally everything and hippie marsha filled my bed with sacred sand all the time? like nothing in new york can be worse than that, right? right? help